Well today I am 50. I was not looking forward to this day, being alone, so I took the day off, the week off actually, and hunkered down for a dismal day. Since 2008, I have not celebrated my birthday. The most important person in my world died on April 9. My birthday was on April 11. Its usually several days of emotion - none of it good and they are difficult memories given some difficult circumstances.
But this year, I thought I should acknowledge and come out of the closet, so to speak, about my birthday. Just this once. I even told people at work. They were very sweet - I got an unexpected card that one of my coworkers had made. How kind it was to take the trouble to do that. I appreciated it a lot.
My wonderful friends may not be able to be with me today but wow I feel their presence. I received flowers, more flowers, balloons, cards, chocolates, fabulous wine, photos, emails and phonecalls. But the best thing I got? Love. How lucky am I that people cared enough to try and make this a special day for me. ESPECIALLY my dear friend S who lives in California now. My dear dear friend. God blessed me on the day I met him 26 years ago. Truly blessed.
So now I'm fifty. Fifty. Now I have to really decide who I want to be for the second half of my life.
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